Tuesday Things

1. I’m so desperate for a job that I applied for a part-time position at a bakery. I believe it will give me more motivation to get to the gym. Although, that’s not entirely a problem for me. In reality, it will probably just give me more reason to wear stretchy pants.

2. Does anyone scrapbook anymore? I was in the craft store today and yesterday and was overwhelmed by the amount of stuff (read: CRAP) that they sell now for scrapbooking. And yes, I bought some of it. Not because I scrapbook though.

3. I’m trying to think of things you guys might want to know about me. I’m pretty boring. Here’s what I got:

  • I ALWAYS sing in my car. 
  • I have to have the covers completely over my head in order to fall asleep.
  • I say ‘poop’ a billion times a day. Regardless if that is the topic of conversation.
  • If I squeeze my abs hard enough (think pulling belly button towards the spine) I can crack my back. 
  • I have a freckle on my right arm that I am convinced looks like West Virginia. So far, no one has agreed with me.
  • Every time I have a layover in Chicago, I still up TP to cover the toilet seat…even though those toilets have the fancy liner-thingies. Who’s to say it’s not the same liner just rotating around and around over and over again? I don’t believe it, so I tke precautions. 
  • I have been to 21 yoga classes so far, and I have YET to hear a fart. To me, this is disappointing.
  • Every time I blow my nose, I think of Abraham Lincoln. Still wondering about that one.
  • The summer I moved from CA to NY (2002) I would go to a local bagel shop and order an everything bagel w/ cream cheese, 3 no bake cookies, and a starbucks frap. EVERYDAY. Then I would go to the high school track and run. Then I would lay out in a bikini. I would only consider doing one of those things these days (hint: NOT wearing a bikini and NOT eating ALL that food in one sitting)
  • I remember that next summer, my best friend at the time¹ swiped a piece of clear plastic tubing from the refrigerated display case at her parent’s restaurant² so that we could use it as a funnel. And we used Twisted Tea. (¹: we were such good friends that we decided to get matching tattoos of MARTINI glasses on our hips. If I could turn back time (thanks, Cher) I would NOT get that tattoo. ²:You KNOW you’re going to check out the next refrigerated display case you see to check out the clear plastic tubing. Just think of how unsanitary it is and then think of how 2 foolish girls actually used it to ingest alcohol.)
  • You know when people ask you how you’re doing and your go-to is ‘good’? I am ALWAYS tempted to just tell the truth. But then usually there are about 5 people behind me in line to check out and they would get pissed if I got into a long story about how my day is actually quite shitty and my hamstrings are tight and I think my intestines don’t favor dairy too well.
  • Two words I hate the most on this planet: Wreaths (the plural) and Croissant. It makes me cringe so hard it hurts.

Tyler just came in the room and said my salad smells like puppy breath. I am no longer making this salad. 

A great big super huge happy 70th birthday to my dad today!!!!!