My Reaction to Babies

I want babies. Correction: baby. Singular. Probably sooner rather than later. Problem is, Tyler wants to wait soooommmmeee moreeeeee- you know, ‘to get financially ready” yadda yadda yadda, and I kinda want to keep drinking, so yeah that’ll probably make it a while. But just because I want one of those little things of my own, doesn’t mean I’m goo goo gaa gaa over the bajilliionty of them I see on Facebook, Instagram, and in real life.

No, I don’t want to hold your baby. No, I don’t want to hang out with you and your baby. Because that’s just not me. I can’t get into that. (I know what all you moms are saying: “Oooooh but it’ll all change once you have a kid. Trust me.” PFFFF I know that. But until then, I will stay AWAY.)

I mean, I’m probably just not ready for it, anyways. Some of my reactions aren’t entirely favorable around the youngins.

When I hear babies screaming in close proximity:


When I see someone changing a poop explosion as I walk into a public restroom:



When I have to wait 49 minutes for the lady with the baby in front of me TO GET OUT OF THE WAY:




When people want to show me pictures of their babies:



When people are gushing over babies, I’m all:



When Tyler and I watch a movie with Chris Hemsworth, Charlie Hunnam, or Ben Affleck:



Whoops. How did that slip in there.

When I see a kid throwing a bitch fit:



Ugly babies:



Those are rare, since babies tend to just be naturally cute. Everything about them is miniature. But there are a select few where it’s like HOT DAMN.

When people ask if Tyler and I are going to have kids:



When people are stuck at home wiping up spit and shit and having a fit, I’m over here all childless and like:



When I think about childbirth:



And when I realize that I get to mother one of those brats one day:


All this baby talk makes me want a beer…

8 thoughts on “My Reaction to Babies

  1. BEST post of the day!! Everything I feel all wrapped up!!!! My friends with kids JUST don’t understand, like I don’t WANT to hear how bad your night was ’cause your kid was up throwing up-cause YO I’ve been sleeping all night and I”m WAS in a good mood ’till you brought up how hard ‘life with kids’ is now….should have thought about that before you had ’em..and please don’t hold my negative baby thoughts against me when I wanna complain once I have one 😉

  2. Good way to start the day! There are some cute babies. My buddy Shannon has twins that are gorgeous, and a blog buddy near Denver has the cutest kid ever. But mostly babies are only cute to the parents and relatives. It’s their only defence from being strangled after too many wake up calls. My female friends tell me the baby urge passes, and then life gets even better.
    One thing though. You will never be financially “ready”. Never ever. Either have the baby or don’t.

  3. I was exactly the same prior to my kid. Now I admit I am still the “What is your problem” when my kid is tantruming like the best of them, and I’m pretty sure I talk way too much about diaper shinanigans but my family always did talk about #2 and gas all the time so clearly that’s why I still do 😉 And like people above, there is no right time to have kids. Here we were all ‘happy to try’ for the first, and then afterwards I was like OMG we shouldn’t have done that!

  4. The good news is that having babies makes you want to drink so that works in your favour when you are eventually ready to have a baby 🙂

  5. Pingback: F&F Friday Favorites ~ 4.04.14 | Fitness & Feta

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